Optimism vs. Pessimism

A repetitive theme is surfacing in my coaching sessions for some of you.  The theme is the nature of optimism vs. pessimism rather positive vs. negative or even more so victim vs. conscious creator.  I thought I'd share below with everyone with the intention that it can help us all.

You've heard me mention before that we create our environment whether we put ourselves in a prison of negativity, blaming others and not taking responsibility of our own actions OR we create an environment of positive energy, shifting our thoughts to support that notion/truth that anything is possible when we are mindful of our actions.

We have a choice.  Every moment is a clean slate to learn and grow and become the person we are meant to be. Every moment is an opportunity to practice a lifestyle of well-being in the purest sense of the word covering every aspect of our lives.  As you know, this has an overall effect on everything we do. Everything, from work related initiatives to personal ones.

Below is a helpful tip to dislodge us from a disempowering pattern.

The difference between Optimism and Pessimism is really quite simple. It’s all about our frame of reference to the world.

     In any given moment we either choose to be a victim or we choose to be conscious creator. 

• One strategy is to practice noticing when we are on cruise control heading into a victim frame of mind.

     So how do we catch ourselves heading toward the land of poor me?

     If you find yourself:

• complaining
• criticizing
• blaming
• gossiping and 
• comparing

you can be pretty sure you’re camped out in Victimhood—the unhappiest, powerless place on Earth.

•      Get off at the next exit by asking yourself this: “What do I want?”

    Victims consistently focus on all the things that are wrong in their lives including the people they live, work or share breathing space with, which is really just a reflection of all their inner judgements.  The conscious creator gets crystal clear on what she/he wants.

     So, what do you want?

Mindfully Yours,

Pamela

2 questions that can change your life for the better.

Do you ever feel trapped?  Do you ever wonder why the change you want never seems to make it's way to you in a long lasting way?  Does a "supposed to" thought process exist in your world?  I am not referring to manners that we are "supposed to" do or right vs. wrong when it comes to treating people or ourselves well.  "Supposed to's" should exist where good manners are concerned, for example.   

I ask these questions because of limitations people place on themselves.  Limitations that

What can we learn from MMA and elite fighters?

I have a thing for cage fighting and Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) where the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) and The Ultimate Fighter (TUF) come alive.  I've had a thing for it ever since I came across cage fighting over twenty years ago, when it came out on late night T.V.  I knew I had fallen hard for the sport because it was important enough for me to watch the entire show while standing a foot a way from my T.V. with the volume down as low as it could go, so not to disturb my parents.  Yet, loud enough to hear the names of the moves and fighters.  I believe my appreciation of MMA fighting began when I watched Sunday karate movies with sub titles and voice overs, in addition to, enjoying  Jean Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal movies.  

I have a strong appreciation for the true art that it is.  I respect the discipline and the heart that it takes to shut out everything that does not support a fighter's desire to be their very best.  The level of respect the fighters display for one another once the fight is over is heart warming. 

"Not being you and not connecting with yourself puts a mental drain on your body and mind." ~Serena Horton, 14

This was written by my daughter, Serena Horton, 14.  I was impressed with her message and asked if I could share her opinion on my blog.  I am happy that she said yes.

No one is ever “perfect.”  I recently discovered that magazines take a model’s face with no makeup and completely do all the makeup on a photoshop download for computers.  It is fake, deceiving, and  unnatural.  “Regular people” look up to those pictures that professionals photoshop and want to be just as beautiful.  In reality, no one could ever be flawless like that.

3 Tips to ease into a baggage free and sustainable happy career.

"The things you want are always possible; it is just that the way to get them is not always apparent.  The only real obstacle in your path to a fulfilling life is you, and that can be a considerable obstacle because you carry the baggage of insecurities and past experience." 

~ Les Brown

Just as baggage holds down a relationship, so won't baggage weigh down your chances for a successful career or business.   Without a balance between work and life your chances for sustainability in a happy career lessen.  What does balance have to do with baggage?  When you carry baggage such as insecurity, fear, and feelings of unworthiness, they tend to weigh heavily on your mind and keep you off center.  

Choosing our life partner.

"We choose our partner, many times unconsciously, who is perfectly suited for us, based on our image that we have created from all of our experiences from childhood. These partners have the unique ability to heal our childhood wounds. They have qualities that are similar to the positive and negative qualities of our original caretakers, and cleverly, we have chosen them because they hold the special characteristics that, when combined with our own personality traits, will help us to finish ALL of our unfinished business from childhood." Tammy Nelson L.P.C.

The same partner that ultimately can help heal old wounds, also have the uncanny ability to poke us in vulnerable places like no one else can.  That is why relationships seem like such hard work and why they feel so painful.

If you are in a painful cycle stop:

• withdrawing &/or attacking your partner
• Understand that there is a reason or belief that makes both of you react and trigger each other
• Get out of the power struggles
• Stop trying to control your partner and environment 
• Take time to figure out how to get your needs met  
• Figure out who you are, who you want to be 
• Be grateful, for then miracles will happen in the most profound ways

Resources:

www.drtammynelson.com

~Pamela Horton

It is moments like these....

       It is moments like I had tonight that provide a perfect opportunity to teach compassion for ourselves.  Tonight I experienced what I call a professional hiccup.  I presented in front of a large group and well, if I had to grade myself, I would give myself an F.  I absolutely did everything they teach you NOT to do in Public Speaking 101.  I spoke in circles, didn't stay on task by following my "script", froze and actually asked for a moment to collect myself.  Of course those that were with me, disagreed with my perception and because they have seen my presentation skills before they also know that I am not only comfortable speaking in front of a large group, but that I do it rather well.  None the less, it felt awful, awkward and it was most embarrassing for me.  It was a train wreck folks, make no mistake.

You see, no matter how well we do something, and how often we do that something well, there will be moments that we hiccup.  A moment where nerves get the best of us, we feel flustered from being late to a meeting, feel scattered, have an argument with a loved one, or feel tired.  It could be anything that triggers us enough to block us from doing that thing well!  

Paradox of Age ~ the 14th Dalai Lama.

We have bigger houses but smaller families;
more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense;
more knowledge but less judgment;
more experts, but more problems;
more medicines but less healthiness.
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble in crossing the street to meet our new neighbour.
We built more computers to hold more copies than ever,
But have less real communication;
We have become long on quantity,
but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods but slow digestion;
Tall men but short characters;
Steep profits but shallow relationships.
It’s a time when there is much in the window
But nothing in the room. 


I first saw the words above in a Tibetan gift shop in Mystic, CT, last weekend.  As I was reading them, I found myself feeling relief knowing that I wasn't the only one that felt this way.

Mindfulness, "TAKE ONE"

In the world as we know it today, most people live in a constant frenzy.  Do you ever feel like you are racing through your days with out any control over your environment?  Ask yourself what are the repeated "things to do" statements that flood your brain?  How many activities have you signed your children up for after school?  How many things are you doing today that you do NOT want to do, REALLY do not want to do?  Be honest with yourself.  Are these "things" enhancing your family and you as an individual or are they depleting your energy and steering you from your family values?  Are you the one dictating your schedule of "things to do" or is the schedule dictating to you?  Do you even recognize that it should be the other way around?

EGO:

When you understand how your ego "protects" you, you are then able to decipher why it "protects" you from your own truth.  At that point you can see that your ego isn't protecting you at all.   It's potentially causing you more harm and making it more difficult to evolve into the person you want to be.

Our ego likes things just as they are.  If you are attempting to free yourself from a self fulfilling prophecy and keep getting stuck.  No matter what you try, that same brick wall keeps showing up.  It isn't you that is holding you back...it's your ego.

Pilot or Passenger...YOU decide.

Most would agree that we all have some negative behavioral patterns and systems that have been downloaded from our primary care givers to us in our formative years.  In many cases we've become automatic, operating on a familiar reactionary cycle of behaviors and habits without awareness that there is a different way of living our lives.  Research has shown that 95% of our behaviors and core beliefs are part of our pre programmed infrastructure which places us on an auto pilot of sorts, but on who's plane?  Rarely do we bare witness to these behavior patterns which ultimately keeps us in a reactionary cycle.  If an individual does happen to get a glimpse of their ground hog like "flight" pattern, our ego steps in the way in hopes to prevent any changes because our ego likes things just the way they are.  (That's a whole other story...and one for another article.)
Recognition that you have conducted yourself on the download of other people's beliefs is a first step toward awareness and provides an opportunity to change the pre programmed patterns that can cause chaos and stress in one's home and work life.  More importantly it offers up the notion to forgive yourself and those that you have daily interactions with who seemingly operate under the similar invisible behavioral programs that have been passed on to them.

If you desire a new way of operating, a new flight pattern, where confidence and peace replaces confusion and lack of self acceptance, where indecisiveness is replaced by conviction:  you owe it to yourself to connect with the inner core of who you are.  You deserve to explore your options with a partner whom you can trust to help you hold yourself accountable and assist you with creating a new life story of who you want to be and how you want to live your life.

Two Voices

So there are "two voices" in each of our heads. The "gut voice", the inner instinct that we can actually feel, follow and that will truly never steer us wrong. Then there is the second voice or the mind voice that talks non stop on just about anything, keeping us from peace and quiet. 


When we are completely minding our own business, this mind voice says things like, "I can go for an extra cookie." "I really want some chocolate." Then we eat, do (insert your own element here) quieting that mind voice. BUT, this same mind voice, once we complete (insert your own element here) then states, "why did you do that?!" "You shouldn't have done (xy&z)." 


I ask you this...If this mind voice had a physical body, and you called it friend, would you put up with it? If not, why do you put up with it now? When your mind voice starts up...silence it by visioning static, similar to radio static, to interfere with its nonsensical message. Practice this and you will only here your logical, gut response and yes it will be quiet. 
Good luck!

Release and Receive

I had some interesting conversations yesterday with friends who are high level professionals in different industries and was blown away by the amount of low self esteem, guilt, shame and fear they were carrying on their backs.  I was shocked because one would never know that they, of all people, had such feelings. 


Release these negative feelings and fears....for every situation is a learning experience, not a failure. Stop assuming that you are the cause of someone else's discomfort.  You are only powerful in your own experience, never someone else's. Dictate to yourself the person that you wish to be in every moment and enjoy the beauty of release and the joy of ease today. 

Feel, Trust and Act

When my daughter was still “cooking” in my belly, I would say to her, “one thing that I want to teach you, it is to FEEL, TRUST and ACT on your gut instinct.”  I am a firm believer that when we center ourselves, listen to and act on our own instinct, then we will be in alignment and on track to lead a happy, stress free life.  It took me years to actually practice my own advice because I was too preoccupied with keeping my, at the time, fragile inner ME together.

Two Choices

I was in the bank drive thru, at lunch time, today.  I felt lucky because no one was in line before me and I Knew I would be in and out.  I turned my car off and took my sun glasses off, like I normally do, simply to be polite.

The teller and I greeted one another, he took my information and he said that he would "be right back."  I was waiting for less than 30 seconds, when a woman pulled in back of me.  No big deal, right?  Maybe another minute went by, when the woman revved her engine, put her car in reverse, and made her tires squeal as she drove up along side of me yelling expletive language.

How many minutes a day do you hear quiet?

Driving the other afternoon, I passed a junior high school that had just dismissed the students for the day.  As I drove by the "walkers" I couldn't help notice that each student, boy and girl, had some device that their eyes were glued to. They were totally absent from their surroundings.  Of course my brain took itself on a journey wondering how often these young adolescents miss an opportunity to just be in their own company and observe their surroundings.  Hence my question to you....How many minutes a day do you hear quiet?

Mainstream Media Finally Acknowledging College Bubble

NIA, National Inflation Association, believes the U.S. government needs to end all financial aid to students immediately. There is nothing in the U.S. constitution that authorizes the U.S. government to be in the student loan business. If there were no government student loans and grants, all Americans would be able to afford college and the quality of education would be far superior to what it is today.